How to Fall in Love on the Road Vol. 1

by Simeon Griffin

(A quick guide to getting used to the scent of your partner’s fart, as well as your own and whatever weird mixture they create together)

I knew the risks, being crammed into a Honda CRV the potential for conflict would be at its highest, mostly because the amount of showers available would be slim to none and the 30+ hours of alone time I needed each day to be a productive member of society would be severely limited. I’m not sure you can really prepare for what was about to take place. Our car was about to become our home as we drove from Oklahoma to Colorado to Utah to Oregon, down the coast of California through New Mexico and finally back home to Oklahoma, all in the span of two weeks, give or take. A little ambitious, but we took out the backseats, built a platform for us to sleep on and had factored it all out.

Here's our trip itinerary:

Day 1

It’s night. Drive from Oklahoma to Kansas. Sleep in our car in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

Day 2

Make our way to Colorado to stay at a friend’s, take a photo shoot, go out to Karaoke, board games, dinner, sleep.

Day 3

Wake up early, drive from Colorado to Utah to go to Arches National Park and hike around, have lunch, take pictures, drive to Boise, Idaho, sleep in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

Day 4

Wake up early drive to Hood River, Oregon, explore the waterfalls, take pictures, drive to Portland, Oregon, go out and explore, sleep in friendly neighborhood.

Day 5

Cook breakfast in Mount Tabor Park, go back and explore Multnomah  Falls, go shopping in downtown Portland, go out drinking, sleep in friendly neighborhood.

Day 6

Go to McMenamins, spa, see Logan (Movie), spa, eat dinner, drink, sleep in a real bed.

Day 7

Wake up to room service, spa, and drive into Portland for spa, sensory deprivation sleep tank, and spa. Drive to Haystack Rock and sleep on the beach.

Day 8

Explore the beach, drive back to Portland for Ecstatic Dance, leave that night for the Red Woods.

Day 9

Drive into California, explore the Red Woods, take pictures, head to San Francisco.

Day 10

Explore San Francisco bridge, drive down Big Sur. Complete Big Sur. Drive to Las Vegas, Nevada and gamble for a few hours (my first Casino).

Day 11

Drive to Grand Canyon, explore the Canyon, go on tour hike, camp at the grand canyon.

Day 12

Drive From New Mexico to Oklahoma.

Day 13

Sleep it all off.

Day 14

Back to work.


Needless to say it didn’t all happen that way, but we came close and all the little changes and decisions we made and the things we did or didn’t do, didn’t really matter all that much. The big thing was being in the car. You see, the real trip took place inside the car with someone I just kept falling in love with. And at times, I think I almost got used to the farts that nearly killed us both (but didn't) and just to spare you now, no, we didn't get to see Logan (Movie).

Travel tipsSimeon Griffin